Saturday, November 04, 2006
With Deepest Apologies
We would like to take a moment to apologize, on behalf of liberalism, for turning otherwise righteous religious leaders into homosexual drug users.
Sure, some people will say that liberalism had nothing to do with it; they'll say that most of America's right-wing moralizers are hypocritical sociopaths. They'll go further, pointing out that a suspicious number of the "values voting" right turn out to be nothing more than sexually repressed misogynists.
But we know better.
These are good, good people -- wonderful, moral, men (most of them) who want what's best for all humanity, even if it means they have to bring riches and power beyond imagination to themselves.
They've simply been subverted by the dominant liberal paradigm.
They're God's own messengers on earth -- and we liberals have ruined them, tempting them from the path of righteousness with homemade narcotics, congressional pages, and hardcore gay massages.
It's all our fault. And we feel terrible about it.
Really.
Sure, some people will say that liberalism had nothing to do with it; they'll say that most of America's right-wing moralizers are hypocritical sociopaths. They'll go further, pointing out that a suspicious number of the "values voting" right turn out to be nothing more than sexually repressed misogynists.
But we know better.
These are good, good people -- wonderful, moral, men (most of them) who want what's best for all humanity, even if it means they have to bring riches and power beyond imagination to themselves.
They've simply been subverted by the dominant liberal paradigm.
They're God's own messengers on earth -- and we liberals have ruined them, tempting them from the path of righteousness with homemade narcotics, congressional pages, and hardcore gay massages.
It's all our fault. And we feel terrible about it.
Really.
