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Boston | October 31, 2007

Red Sox GM Theo Epstein announced today that the club would look to broaden the appeal of the club's pitching staff by adding "additional interesting and entertaining characters."

"We've done a good job of finding pitchers with built-in entertainment value, but we want to build on that success by adding some additional characters for next year."

Currently the Red Sox pitching staff boasts a young closer with a screw loose, a cocky Texas gunslinger, a Japanese kid who doesn't speak English, and a comically self-promoting but still likable southern blowhard.

"We're happy with what we've got, obviously," said Epstein, "though we were hoping Tavares would have a better year, giving us a 'loco Hispanic' on the mound more often. And clearly the left-of-center Canadian jazz-looking guy didn't work out.

"We're thinking of adding either a charming but drunk Irishman, a nerdy Jewish kid with glasses, or a bear-like German guy who likes fat woman. A tall skinny kid with crazy hair would also be a possibility. Meanwhile we'll continue to work with Dice-K to help him speak humorously incorrect English in anticipation of a break-out season next year.

Asked if there would be an available roster spot for an African-American with a comically large afro, Epstein had no comment.

"But either way," he said, "I think we'll be in good shape."

According to the NY Daily News,

In New York, A-Rod used to be a regular at the VIP Club, where he always asked for a dancer who performs under the stage name Monique.

Monique is 5-feet-5 with brown hair and brown eyes and has a well-toned, muscular figure, a pal said.

When the stripper jumped over to the Hustler Club, Rodriguez started going there to see her perform and buy sexy lap dances, a source said.

A petite stripper at the Hustler Club said A-Rod "likes the she-male, muscular type. They brought me up to the champagne room one time. I spun around once and that was it. I'm not his type."

Um...

Let's re-sign Mike Lowell -- please.

The NY Times' Pete Thamel is a bit put-out by Boston's "swaggering" fans:

The Red Sox World Series victory in 2004 was some anesthesia for the wounded soul of Red Sox Nation, which had endured so many close calls, bad breaks and star-crossed playoff flameouts. This latest victory, however, has brought a haughty swagger to this region's once-beleaguered baseball fans.

Hey, Pete: Rather be swaggerin' like the Sox than staggerin' like the Yanks.

Auto rate hike to be modest

By Bruce Mohl, Globe Staff | October 25, 2007

No Massachusetts drivers, even the very worst ones, are likely to see more than a 10 percent increase in their premiums when auto insurance competition begins next year, according to two bulletins issued by the state insurance commissioner.

Interesting. We're trying to remember if this was part of the pitch of the insurance rules changes:

"Insurance Competition: Rates Will Probably Only Go Up A Little."

One of the best parts of a big Boston victory is reading about it in the NY Times. Here's Jack Curry's take on Daisuke Matsuzaka's performance in last night's ALCS Game 7 victory:

The Red Sox trusted Matsuzaka, their $103 million man, to get through five innings with a lead, which he did. But after that, Matsuzaka turned into a highly paid spectator.

Manager Terry Francona said Matsuzaka "pitched his heart out" and "gave us what we needed." Jack Morris, who tossed 10 innings to clinch Game 7 of the 1991 World Series for the Minnesota Twins, would probably laugh about a starter being praised for a five-and-fly in a Game 7...

Hey, Jack Curry: in 1991 Jack Morris was a 36 year-old, five-time All-Star in his 12th major league season, with one World Series Championship under his belt already. In Game 7 of the 1991 World Series he was pitching in Minneapolis, Minnesota -- exactly ten miles from his home town of St. Paul.

Daisuke Matsuzaka is a 27-year-old in his first season in the big leagues, in his first season in America, pitching 6369 miles from his home. He's spent the year surrounded by teammates, management, and fans who speak a variety of languages -- none of them Japanese.

Give it a rest, Jack.

We know we've harped on more than a few inconsequential things in our years here, and you, Poor Readers, have been more than indulgent -- particularly when it's involved things sports-related, which (and let's be honest) are about as familiar and interesting to our normal, politically-minded readers as Conversational French is to George W. Bush.

But enough is enough.

Harp Alert: We took our seven-year-old to the Bruins/Rangers game this afternoon -- the second home game of the year -- because it had been pushed back to 4PM, thanks to the Sox game (meaning he could actually attend, for a change, since they have so few day games now.) The good news? The B's won, 1-0, in a shootout, thanks to the Mighty Pigmy, Phil Kessel. The bad news...

The bad news?

The bad news is that at the TD Banknorth Garden you now get exactly THREE "chicken strips" and "fries" for $7. Three crappy, cold, "chicken strips" piled on a heap of cold, disgusting "french fries" for $7.

A bottle of water is $4.

$4

When the guy slid the three "chicken strips" across at us we figured he'd either grabbed a tray that was missing a "strip" or two, dropped a couple along the way, or, for all we know, ate them himself between the heat lamp and the beer-soaked cash register, so we questioned him about it. Hey, this is serious business -- hockey and money -- and there's no room for squeamishness. But he explained that "they" had gone to three "chicken strips" this year, down from four last year -- on purpose. He was as disgusted by it as we were.

Our tickets -- face value -- are $102 apiece. This to see a team that placed 73rd out of 13 last year. The Boston Globe had to use longer paper stock for the NHL standings to fit the Bruins into last year's sports page. It was a fold-down section. Every NHL team and the girls JV from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow placed ahead of the Bruins. The team gave tickets to pan handlers on the street to fill the seats; we had to share our row with a guy named "Boxcar Winnie", who was sacked out across four seats with his kit and kaboodle strewn around him and a small fire going to warm his coffee and tins of cat food.

This is the organization that wants $11 for a kid to have three crappy, cold "chicken strips", "fries," and a bottle of water.

We pride ourselves on our restraint. This is not an area of inflammatory rhetoric, except where it concerns that lying dink George W. Bush. But for much the same reason that we call Dink George a Dink, we address the man in charge of our beloved Black & Gold:

Jeremy Jacobs, you are a greedy dink.

You may have all the money in the world, but you'll never be anything but a greedy dink. And don't give us any crap about the "free market." There's a helluva lot more to life -- and business -- than that. Just ask Robert Kraft or John Henry.

It's called the satisfaction of doing a good job, of creating something worthwhile, of building something that touches people, gives them joy, and that lasts.

Or, as we in the OTHER classes call it: NOT BEING A DINK.

Um...

Feds say warped Zakim Bridge plates safe after all

By Glen Johnson, Associated Press Writer | October 19, 2007

BOSTON --Federal officials who suggested this summer that warped cable-attachment plates on the Zakim Bridge may be more dangerous than state inspectors believed have told Patrick administration officials that a second look proved the plates were safe and daily inspections were no longer needed.

"We are satisfied that the warped anchor plates do not pose a safety concern sufficient to warrant that frequency of inspections. We understand the commonwealth will adhere to the two-year inspection frequencies required by the National Bridge Inspection Standards," wrote James Ray, acting deputy administrator and chief counsel at the Federal Highway Administration.

Uh...from daily inspections to once every two years?

Isn't there something inbetween? Like, once a month or something?

Bruins end trip with last-minute victory

By Fluto Shinzawa, Globe Staff

SAN JOSE, Calif. - Thanks to some near-flawless netminding from Tim Thomas, the Bruins capped their road trip with a 2-1 win over San Jose last night before a sellout crowd of 17,496 at the HP Pavilion.

During the second period, the Bruins didn't manage a single shot on Nabokov, failing to penetrate the Sharks' stand-up defense.

But because of a first-period Boston goal and some stellar netminding from Thomas (13 saves in the second period, 26 overall), the Bruins still held a 1-0 advantage after 40 minutes despite their lack of production in the middle frame.

The Sharks applied some heavy pressure in the second period, especially during their third power play...[b]ut Thomas stood tall, bailing out his penalty-killers whenever the Sharks shook their checks.

Thomas got some help from his net later in the second period. After the Sharks killed off a penalty to defenseman Craig Rivet, captain Patrick Marleau took off down the right wing. Marleau pulled a pass between his legs to teammate Michalek, and the San Jose forward rang a wrist shot off the left post.

Thomas recovered just in time to stuff forward Steve Bernier's rebound attempt at 8:57. Thomas, who entered last night having allowed only three goals in his two previous starts, continued his solid play, making a blocker stop when defenseman Matt Carle joined the rush for a good scoring chance in the slot.

Late in the period, Thomas got his glove on a close-range attempt by Michalek.

Explain to us again why Tim Thomas has to earn his spot on this roster year after year? He's consistently been one of the few reasons to watch the Bruins since taking over the starting slot from Andrew Raycroft.

Bruins management is lucky he's not easily offended; plenty of goalies who don't mean nearly as much to their teams as Thomas does to his would be mightily offended to have to prove themselves worthy at training camp every season. But Tim Thomas shows up, never utters a discouraging word, then goes and and back-stops the B's -- often brilliantly -- game after game.

Is it because the hockey powers-that-be just can't get their heads around his "unorthodox" style? That he doesn't have the flawless butterfly form that worked so well (not) for Hannu Toivonen?

Well here's a clue for management that hockey fans in Boston -- most of whom adore Thomas -- already figured out, once again proving themselves possessed of sharper hockey acumen than the boys in charge: Thomas keeps the puck out of the net. That's why we love him. And that's why the team plays better in front of him: they trust him.

Really, it amazes us that rather than insult him every year with talk of "improving the goalie situation" by adding this one or that one, only to inevitably find themselves turning to him again and again, that the Bruins don't fall down on their knees and thank their lucky stars that Tim Thomas turned out to be who he is after they chased Raycroft out of town.

October 14, 2007

Ex-Phone Chief Says N.S.A. Sought Data Earlier

By Scott Shane

The phone company Qwest Communications refused a proposal from the National Security Agency that the company's lawyers considered illegal in February 2001, nearly seven months before the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, the former head of the company contends in newly unsealed court filings.

...the documents unsealed Wednesday in federal court in Denver, first reported in The Rocky Mountain News on Thursday, claim for the first time that pressure on the company to participate in activities it saw as improper came as early as February, nearly seven months before the terrorist attacks.

The Bush administration was asking phone companies to spy on customers seven months before Sept. 11.

Why?

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Two Massachusetts servicemen have been identified among the remains of nine US servicemen found at a site in Germany where an American plane crashed during World War II, military officials announced today.

The Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office identified the servicemen as: First Lieutenant David P. McMurray, of Melrose, Mass. (and) Technical Sergeant Hyman L. Stiglitz, of Boston.

According to a press release today, the men were aboard a B-24J Liberator that departed North Pickenham, England, on July 7, 1944, on a mission to bomb a German aircraft factory near Bernburg, Germany. The plane was last seen by US aircrew members in that vicinity. Officials said the captured records revealed that it had crashed near Westeregeln, about 20 miles northwest of the target in what later became the Soviet sector of a postwar divided Germany.

In 2001, the release stated, a group of German citizens interested in recovering wartime relics and remains learned of a potential crash site south of Westeregeln. Later that year and in 2002, the group found the site and uncovered human remains from what appeared to be two burial locations. The remains and other personal effects, including identification tags, were turned over to US officials.

In 2003, a Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command team combed the crash site and recovered additional remains along with identification tags and nonbiological evidence.